Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly feature created by The Broke and the Bookish. Every week they come up with a topic and invite whoever wants to add their own list to their own blog.
Today’s topic was to write about authors you’d like to see pair up to write a book. Truth be told… I have no idea who I’d like to pair and couldn’t even begin to start pairing.
I then came across this little article about how today is Face Your Fears Day. I feel like this is probably a scam made up by theme parks to get people to come ride roller coasters, but it got me thinking about some things that have been weighing heavily on me. I do live with a lot of fears that are holding me back from doing the things I really want to do. I also have some really odd fears that I probably need therapy for.
But therapy’s pricey and my blog is free!
Here are my Top Ten Fears that I need to face:
Leaving my comfort zone – I’m not really afraid to try new things, but I am afraid to step out and get involved where I know no one. I have trouble joining new groups or organizations without knowing anyone, especially if it is mixed company (i.e. there are boys there). I feel like I hide behind this “social awkwardness” mask and use that as an excuse not to join new groups, but really I’m just scared. I’m really not socially awkward, especially when I channel my inner Jane Bennett.
Being a spinster – Look, I don’t care how many times you tell me that 30 is the new 20, being 32 and single with no hope of a prospective husband is miserable and I hate every second of it. No, I don’t want to “enjoy my freedom” or “live life the way I want to!” I’ve done that and you know what? Neither are fun without someone to come home to. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become incredibly fearful that I will end up alone. And I won’t even be the cool free spirit older lady that no man could pin down; nope, I’ll just be the old lady who yells at kids to get off her lawn and feeds her lap dog table scraps at fancy dinners.
Dating – Know what I fear more than being alone? Dating. I haven’t been on a proper date since… well, it’s been a while. I don’t know how to act, how to talk, how to dress… The idea of going on a first date with someone absolutely makes my stomach cringe and personally I don’t understand why we can’t come back to my place and watch Netflix.*
*Hey Candice, this is College-aged Candice. I don’t actually HAVE Netflix right now, but remember how you used to have guys come back to your place to watch a movie? Or vice versa? Remember how WELL that turned out for you? Tell me… what happens after the first 20 minutes in Troy. Hm? That’s what I thought. Don’t bring boys back to your place to watch Netflix.
Giving myself completely to God – I’m not so sure how I like saying “giving myself completely” but that’s all I could think of. I think I’m fearful of doing this because it means a total life overhaul. Not in a bad way, but in a way that will force me to admit that I am not superwoman and that there are some things in my life that I cannot control. I think I’m also afraid of what answers will be to those things I want and that by essentially letting go, I have to face that I may not get the boy I want or the life I expected. Which brings me to…
Not being able to have a baby – I’ve had friends who have told me this is a completely irrational fear, and I think 6-7 years ago when I first thought about it, yes… it was completely irrational. But after having one tiny scare a couple years ago (thanks Dr. G for walking into the room and announcing “Let’s talk about your baby plans”), I’m now afraid that I won’t be able to have children. Not that I’ve ever tried, so maybe it is still slightly irrational. Which then leads me to…
Being thought of as “broken” – This is probably the hardest fear I have because I have absolutely no way of facing it and overcoming it, except for having to look at a loved one who looks at me as a “broken” woman and not letting it completely destroy me. I know, maybe it’s ridiculous to think this way. Not being able to do one thing does not make one broken. Rationally, I understand that. But it is a fear of mine. I should also note that I don’t mean JUST the inability to have a baby. I feel like there are other ways that I am “broken.”
Opening up – But Candice (you might think) you’re basically putting some really personal information out here! How are you afraid of opening up? Well friends… I think because these are fears that I talk about with friends anyway, and so many of you that follow my blog have become dear friends to me. I don’t MIND sharing these things, because I feel like that’s how we’ve become closer. But put me in front of a new person and I probably come off as a super cold awful biatch to them. Not because I am… but because I’m truly afraid of opening up to them. I don’t mean to be… I’m sure new people are lovely!
Swimming in the ocean – Alright, enough with the serious fears. I’m a little scared of swimming in the ocean. Which is ridiculous because I grew up going to the beach and paying in the water. What this fear stems from is the fact that a fish could touch me. It could bump its little fishy nose on me and eeeuyuck!
Outdoor adventure challenges – You know those “team building” outdoor challenges everyone seems to think are a good idea? I cannot stand them. Why is it that putting yourself in total peril or climbing 30 feet into the air so you can swing down a rope makes you a better teammate? They are ridiculous and if I ever worked for a company that forced me to go on one of these challenges I would quit.
Gremlins – My parents let me watch Gremlins when I was four. It terrified me and I cannot believe my over protective, wouldn’t let me watch Jurassic Park til she had pre-screened it (despite the fact that I was older when it came out), mother let me watch this movie. When it was time for bed I was scared there were gremlins under my bed. My mom leaned over to check and when she looked under the bed, she pretended they had gotten her. 28 years later and I have still not watched Gremlins again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to face that fear.
Whew… doing this was a bit cathartic! Must eat chocolate now…