Young Adult

Whips and chains, handcuffs, smack a little booty up with my belt

50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James

50 shades

The Skinny: When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.
 
Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires. – From Goodreads

BFF?: No.

Readability: Snort laugh.

Crush Level: HELLLLLSSSS No
I don’t care how dreamy his grey eyes are or how floppy his copper hair is or how sexy his muscles are. Christian Grey is a creeper. I probably exclaimed this, out loud, at least 5 times while reading it. I know we all think Edward Cullen is a stalker (okay, I really never thought of him as this) but Christian Grey is what defines stalker. And yes I know he’s dominant, but seriously… the guy is weird. And the eating thing? Like I really hope it’s explained in further books because I’m pretty sure had I been Ana I would have punched him in the face over his obsession with me eating.

Although, I honestly didn’t get Ana’s adherence to eating. I’ve had moments when I was too upset to eat, but girl, seriously… eat food. It’s delicious.

Bonus Points

Seattle
seattle
I want to go to Seattle.

Making me get this song stuck in my head


Little known personal fact: I like Ludacris. I may have been humming this song for a while now. I seriously hope this post doesn’t get a plethora of spam now!

Finding this quote on Goodreads
jk rowling

“Just think how many books I could’ve sold if Harry had been a bit more creative with his wand.” -[On the success of 50 Shades of Grey]”
J.K. Rowling

Commencement Speech: Alright… <cracks knuckles> let’s talk about 50 Shades of Grey. This book has been out for what? 3 years? 4 year? I don’t know. I flat out refused to read it. Wasn’t my thing. I’d read snippets and saw just how bad it was and thought “I will never read this garbage.” But I have friends who have read it and lately it’s piqued my interest. Then the trailer came out and I thought what the heck. Downloaded it from the library – no way I’m bringing that book to the check out desk! – and got to reading. I actually started it while I was at the gym.

Guys… do you know how hard it was not to snicker out loud the entire time I was reading?! I think at one point I actually did and had to glance around to make sure no one was in the room with me. I probably lived texted the first 10 chapters to a couple of my friends because I had to get the jokes out of the way. But soon I found myself actually liking it? WTF Candice?!

The bad writing, BDSM, and horrible characters aside… the story had it’s good points. I liked that Ana (and the story) villainzied certain characters and talked about them for what they really were rather than chalk it up to “Oh, they just enjoy an alternative lifestyle.” And I’m glad that Ana had issues with a lot of things about Christian. But what I hated HATED was that even though she had these issues she was still all “Oh, don’t leave me! It’s okay that you stalked me and my mom and flew here without asking if it was okay even though I expressly told you I needed a few days to think about things alone and away from you. Please don’t go! I want you! Let’s have kinky sex now!”

I mean, I’m guilty of bad relationship choices as much as the next girl but if a guy stalked me like Christian did to Ana the cops would be called. I don’t care HOW good he is in bed.

Also, as I mentioned earlier… the food thing. Seriously this drove me absolutely f-ing nuts. I mean, I remember vaguely that Edward was pretty onto Bella about eating, but not so much that it annoyed me. And yes, I KNOW I can’t make comparisons because even if this is based on Twilight it’s really different. Like I never hated Edward but I hated Christian. But the food thing. This was one of the biggest plot holes I found and I just want to know why he’s so obsessed with “wasted food.” Maybe it’s explained in other books. But I also didn’t get why she was all “Oh, I’ll just have a blueberry. Okay, I’m full now!” No you’re not. Eat food.

And now… the kinky stuff. Like, okay, not my thing. Pretty sure it’s not MOST people’s thing. But if it is, hey, you do your thing. However, I can see the appeal of the things in this book. I can see how this book was a big hit with audiences. Is the writing stellar? No. Are there plot holes? Yes. Do major issues come up with some of the themes and actions? Absolutely. But you could say the same things about any trashy romance novel. You’re not really there for the in-depth writing or well developed characters. No, you’re there for the f—ing. And this book had so much f—ing that it was almost like “Oh, they’re having sex again? Yawn.”

Am I glad that I read this one? Sure, I guess. My thoughts on it haven’t really changed much. I’m disappointed that this has done so well when other books that are much, much better have not. But we all know that sex sells. From a business standpoint, hey… kudos to E.L. James for writing this, kudos for the person who decided to publish it. And kudos to the person who didn’t change any of the awkward language that made me giggle so much. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to read the rest of the series but I’m glad that I’m finally able to justify my opinions with having read the book.

Yearbook Quote: Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck… hard.

Guys… I laughed, and I laughed…

Superlatives – Psshh… as if I can really come up with something for this one.

 

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3 thoughts on “Whips and chains, handcuffs, smack a little booty up with my belt”

  1. You’re review made me laugh. I haven’t read this book. I am actually very against it, although my curiosity does spike every now and then. I agree with you, that I think it is sad that this book has done so well when others that are a heck of a lot better haven’t. If I ever did come around to reading this book, it will be when I have an e-reader where no one can see me and judge me. I don’t know if I would call this a young adult novel- I am hoping that kids in junior high are not reading this – and if they are I hope they get introduced to books with real content as well. Great review! 🙂

    Like

  2. “I mean, I’m guilty of bad relationship choices as much as the next girl but if a guy stalked me like Christian did to Ana the cops would be called. I don’t care HOW good he is in bed.” Haha thank you for that review!! I just discovered your blog, it is hilarious.

    Like

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