This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. Normally this isn’t a big celebration day in our house as my mom doesn’t really care for going over the top. Typically, we do cards/gifts and then go to church with her. We may cook out and then take a nap. It’s really just a normal Sunday for my family.
This Mother’s Day my parents were at the beach sooooo…. we didn’t see her at all on Mother’s Day. We did go to breakfast on Saturday morning before they left for the beach and gave my mom her gift (a beach bag filled with beachy goodies). It was nice.
And then Sunday morning I checked Facebook.
Please, someone remind me to stop checking Facebook on holidays. It’s just depressing.
Everyone had pictures of them with their moms, talking about how fabulous of a woman she is/was (I have several friends who have lost their moms), honoring mother figures in their lives. My mom had given me explicit instructions that I was NOT to put a picture of her on Facebook thank you very much. Party pooper.
And yeah… that didn’t stop me from writing about how awesome she is. But I don’t really feel the need to do that. Everyone already knows how awesome my mom is.
So that kind of got to me… not being with my mom on Mother’s Day (even though I knew she was having a better time at the beach) and not being able to put a cute picture of us together on Facebook. But not THAT much. No… what got to me was all the Facebook moms putting pictures of their babies on Facebook saying how blessed they are and how special their children are and how honored they are to be moms and… well…
I want a baby.
For years I’ve wondered if I was “normal” to not be itching for children. I “wasn’t ready” I’d say – when you can barely afford to buy your own groceries no way I’d be able to buy stuff for a baby. I “needed a husband first.” I’m “too young” I’d tell people who are my age (or younger!). I found people who were jonesing (is this still a word?) for a baby, even if they weren’t married, weird and susceptible to the pressures of society and their baby-making friends. I just didn’t get it.
But now… oh my gosh. I see babies and I’m no longer annoyed by them. I want to smile and wave at them. I don’t get aggravated with friends who splatter Facebook with a billion pictures of their kids. And I know this in by no way says “Candice, you need to have a baby!” and I honestly am not going to be Tina Fey in Baby Mama and go pay someone to make one for me. I want to be patient and let it happen the way I’ve wanted it to – with a husband who I love dearly – but it’s gotten me thinking this: I’m ready.
I don’t know if it’s the inevitable question of “will I even be able to have children” that I’ve had thrown in my face these last 6 months or just that I’m in a happier, healthier place. Wow… didn’t expect to get so “real” here today. Yikes.
Sunday I also worked on my lesson plan for a women’s small group I am leading this summer. We’re going to be discussing femininity (note: not feminism). I’m actually REALLY excited about it and getting to explore some things with a group of women. The other day I had asked folks on Twitter what were some topics they’d like to discuss with a group of women and got some really fantastic answers. I’m looking forward to incorporating them into the lesson plans as well as some great resources I’ve been gathering lately.
Both my eye-opening Mother’s Day and planning for the small group had me deciding that this summer is the PERFECT time to launch my super-secret project!
I promise it’s not to find a husband and make a baby. If I haven’t been able to do that in the past 11 years I most certainly am not going to do it in 3 months.
I’ll be sharing with you details of my super-secret project! as it gets closer to June. I’m still working on it, but want it to go with the small group as well as something else that I’ve been wanting to do for the past year.
Anyway…. that’s enough rambling for me today. I hope you all had a fantastic Mother’s Day this past Sunday, whether with your mother, your kids, your mother figure, or whoever in your life who has meant something special to you!