The end of Christmas always seems to make me reflect. Not really on the past year but more on who I am. Lately this reflection hasn’t been limited to Christmas-time; I’ve been slowly realizing who I am over the past couple months. And… honestly… not liking what I’ve discovered.
I am terrible at resolutions. I make them with the greatest of intentions but very quickly become lazy and give up. But it’s not just resolutions that I become lazy at and give up. It’s life in general. I say I’ll do something and flake out. Not in a bad way – I try not to be the person who makes commitments to people and last minute decide not to follow through on them. Generally if I make plans with you, unless there’s an emergency I’m keeping them.
No, what I flake out on is doing things with my life – keeping a clean house, cooking meals, going to organizational meetings, saving money. This isn’t what grownups do, right? While I think it’s funny to talk about what a colossal mess I am with my friends who are also colossal messes, I’m personally tired of it.
We were watching It’s a Wonderful Life Christmas Eve (tradition) and seeing George Banks’ life made me think about all the things he missed out on because of circumstances. I know the point of the story is that even though he didn’t get to do all the things he dreamed of doing he still had a wonderful life, but the thing that struck me is hat he actually had a life. I sometimes don’t feel like I do. Not the kind that Frank Capra would make a movie about.
Even though it’s a week away, I thought it would be a good time to think about things I want to do/change over the next year. I don’t want to make generic new year’s resolutions – lose weight, get in shape, drink less, save money (Okay I need to do this one) – that you only keep a few weeks; I want to make life changes
- Be better with reading – The fall totally messed with my reading. I’m talking not reading for weeks at a time. I miss it and since being out of work for the past few weeks I’ve remembered just how much I love it.
- Decide on blogging and stick with it – I have lofty ideas about my blog and don’t seem to follow through on it. My resolution here is to come up with a game plan for the new year and go through with it. Details to come!
- Participate more – I feel like I’ve been out of the loop in the blogging world and really need to get back into it!
- Minimize – One of the reasons I think I’ve been so out of blogging lately is because there was too much – too many blogs I follow, too many Twitter to wade through, just too much. So far I’ve unfollowed blogs that I rarely read/keep up with and it feels pretty liberating. My “unread blog posts” list is super small and much more manageable.
- Organize my books – I have two bookshelves in my living room and honestly, they’re an eyesore. I need to figure out some better method of displaying them.
- Implement new social media – I feel like an old lady when it comes to social media. I don’t use it nearly enough.
- Be an adult – This includes keeping a clean house, doing my laundry more than once a month, vacuuming, paying bills, grocery shopping… I neglect these things constantly and when I start thinking about it I get so overwhelmed that I just put them off even more.
- Participate more – Yes this one gets on both lists. While I’ve done tremendously better at participating over the past several months I still feel like I don’t do enough. I don’t get out enough, I don’t live enough. After getting a tiny taste of what participating feels like, I want more!
- Plan a big trip somewhere – I think another trip to NYC is in order. Or a trip to DC. Or Seattle. Just… somewhere. I’m ready for an adventure!
- Restore my savings account – I completely depleted this during the fall. I miss my little safety net.
- Go on a date – My mom and I went Christmas shopping and saw this really cute Little Mermaid Duplo blocks set. She made a comment about how she wanted a little girl to buy it for. Now, this was in no way a “Why are you not married? I want grandchildren!!!” comment, but a tiny part of me thinks she wants them. And I want a baby like whoa. But more importantly, I’m ready to find someone, settle down, etc. Here’s to 2014 bringing a date!
- Be a better friend – I’ll be honest: I don’t feel like a good friend 99% of the time. I mean, I am… trust me. But part of me feels like I’m not. I’m not conscientious about others, I flake out on things I want to do for people and generally keep my distance from truly being friends with people.
- Find a new job – These past few weeks have been the best weeks I’ve had in years and I’m recovering from surgery. I haven’t been stressed, my blood pressure isn’t high, I haven’t had headaches, and generally just feel better. I think it’s because I haven’t had to deal with my job. Now, I like my job, I just don’t like the place where I work. It’s killing my soul.
I’m truly hoping 2014 is the best year yet. 2013 was good, I enjoyed many many of the things it brought and am in no way poo-pooing it. I just think that at nearly 31 it’s time I took control over my life and started making a difference in it. I wanted to share my goals with you so I can feel somewhat accountable for keeping them.