Selective Collective, Young Adult

Selective Collective: Dieting Through the Ages

 

This month The Selective Collective read 45 Pounds by K.A. Barson.

Here are the numbers of Ann Galardi’s life:

She is 16.
And a size 17.
Her perfect mother is a size 6.
Her Aunt Jackie is getting married in 10 weeks, and wants Ann to be her bridesmaid.
So Ann makes up her mind: Time to lose 45 pounds (more or less) in 2 1/2 months.

Welcome to the world of infomercial diet plans, wedding dance lessons, embarrassing run-ins with the cutest guy Ann’s ever seen—-and some surprises about her NOT-so-perfect mother.

And there’s one more thing. It’s all about feeling comfortable in your own skin-—no matter how you add it up!

45 pounds

Every day we are inundated with this diet and that diet and “just shake this on your food and you will lose 900 pounds!” I’m sure we’ve all bought into the next miracle diet that promises dramatic results in the least amount of time with the least amount of work at least once in our lives. It’s easy to think that these are all modern and it’s only been in the recent years that we’re getting more health conscious… but truthfully, crazy diet fads go waaaaaaaay back.

I’ve put together a few of some of the craziest I could find – although trust me, there are tons more out there – and the dangers they can pose. Be prepared, y’all….

The Tapeworm Diet – I started off with this one because it’s the most DISGUSTING thing I have ever heard of! Basically, you swallow a tapeworm cyst (like an egg I guess), it grows in your stomach and interrupts the absorption of food. I mean, sure… something to help block you absorbing fat and calories? But, let me remind you… A WORM IS LIVING IN YOUR STOMACH!

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Dangers: Can be lethal; can cause a swollen stomach; illegal in the US; A WORM IS LIVING IN YOUR STOMACH!; rebound weight easily comes backs

The Sleeping Beauty Diet – Sleep? Weight loss? Yes please! However… don’t get excited just yet. Sleeping Beauty didn’t just take power naps or make sure she got a restful 8 hours of sleep each night. This diet involves marathon sleeping. Like 18-20 hours A DAY. Or, at a time. Regardless… The theory is that if you’re asleep, you’re not eating and your body is just burning calories. To achieve this, you have to sedate yourself. I use sleeping pills every so often, but not one of them has ever knocked me out for 20 hours. To think of the amount of drugs you’d have to consume to sleep for that long gives me the shudders!

sleeping beauty

Dangers: Oh, there’s a plethora of them: extreme headaches, impaired speech, vision and audibility, loss of balance, weakness, mood swings and temper, hallucinations (all from girlsource.org). Not to mention… YOU DON’T GET TO EAT FOOD! This also totally destroys your social life, family life, blogging life, etc. You won’t get to enjoy anything because you’ll be sleeping. I’m sorry, but fitting into a size 6 isn’t worth that!

The Cotton Ball Diet – Yeah, this is as crazy as it sounds. You eat… wait for it… cotton balls. The theory is that they are filling but have no calories. So while you do eat food while on this diet, your stomach is so full of cotton that you just don’t want to eat anything else! This also raises the question (maybe it’s just me) “Will my poop be fluffy?”

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Dangers: If you can’t immediately spot the dangers to this, we need to chat. You’re eating cotton balls for crying out loud. Also, your body will have trouble absorbing nutrients. Because, hello, the cotton balls are doing that.

Fletcherism – Horace Fletcher (The Great Masticator) created this diet of… masticating. Yeah, that sounds icky but it just means chewing. And chewing. And chewing. Basically, you chew your food until it’s liquid. The theory is that the more you chew the less you eat because it allows you to get so sick of eating you just want to stop. Okay, that’s not really how it is but sometimes when I chew a lot I don’t want to eat anymore because I’m tired of doing it.

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Dangers: None, really, except that you may find your social calendar declining because no one wants to go out to dinner with you anymore.

Master Cleanse – I shudder to think what this diet fad does to the inside of your body. Not to mention I get major cranky without food. This diet seems most popular with celebs, such as Beyonce. Of course, I bet they have great health insurance so when these diets backfire, as they often do, they can seek medical attention. The Master Cleanse instructs you to create a mixture of lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water. Then you drink it for a set amount of days, ranging anywhere from a week to a month to longer. Not gonna lie… this reminds me of that book Freckle Juice.

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Dangers: Again, I think this may do something inside you, but overall it can lead to scary things like muscle loss, dangerous blood sugar levels and nutrient deficiencies!

And the winner…

The Cigarette Diet – Oh, to be young and ignorant of the dangers of smoking. While we may think that this diet fad is a thing of the past, sadly… as a teen I remember people claiming they had lost a lot of weight when they started smoking. Sorry, but I’d rather be fat and happy than skinny with charcoal lungs thank you very much!

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Dangers: Do I really need to list these? You smoke on this diet.

Dieting the Right Way

Sure, there are some good diet plans out there and honestly, if there’s one you want to try, talk to your doctor about it. See if it’s a right fit for you. I do not discredit any of the various plans out there because for some people, they may very well be the way to go. However, I have found that simply eating healthy and getting some movement in each day is the best way to stay fit. No, I’m not a good example, but I do know that when I do these things I:

Am happier

Feel GOOD

Get sick less

It doesn’t take a lot do eat healthy. Choose grilled over fried. Eat an apple instead of a cookie. Go for lean meats instead of fattier ones. Cut out the soda and drink some water. Little changes can go a long way.

Check out the other members of the Selective Collective and see what fun things they have going on!

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13 thoughts on “Selective Collective: Dieting Through the Ages”

  1. this made me laugh so much, not because of the strange (and unhealthy) diets, but because you’re so freaking funny. it’s sad that we know what we need to do to be at a healthy weight, but we just don’t. it’s actually sort of depressing. oh well.

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  2. This is the funniest post I’ve seen in a long time! The diets, the pics, and the gifs are absolutely perfect–well, not perfect, as in something to DO, but perfect as a facetious look at how people glom onto crazy schemes for vanity. Thanks for the laugh and the post!

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    1. Aw, thanks! I had a great time working on this one. While I haven’t done any of these diets, when I was younger I totally bought into some crazy ones! 🙂

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  3. HAHAHA oh my gosh. These diets are crazy!! I can’t believe anyone did them. Tapeworms!?! Cotton balls!?! That’s kind of scary… But the concept of it is funny and your post was great!! Thanks for making me laugh this morning 🙂 🙂

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  4. I’m actually really into fitness and healthy eating. Kind of obsessed with running, too 😀 But this post is hilarious and disguisting at the same time!!! I can’t believe anyone would even consider the worm – thing!!!

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