Young Adult

True Story Thursday – Staying Positive

I don’t really ever “get real” on my blog because, well, it’s a book blog. I try to keep it mainly book generated. But lately I’ve been seeing a lot of other bloggers talk about themselves personally. Now, I’m not trying to copy them or hop on the personal train, but I feel like it’s given me a way to get to know them on a deeper level. But then I realized I don’t do this in return. With the exception of a tiny few of my blog friends, I don’t share a lot. I keep stuff to myself. I don’t talk about my personal life or things I’m dealing with or whatever… which is sad because sometimes I feel more confident coming to my blog friends about things than I do IRL friends!

The past SEVERAL months I’ve been trying to think of something to replace my Retro Reads that I did every Thursday, so I’ve decided that on Thursdays I’ll get a little personal with you. Mostly just write about whatever comes to mind!

So unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve noticed that BEA was last week. And while I’m super happy that everyone who went had a great time, got to meet blog friends and connect with some great authors… I’ll admit that I got a little (okay super) bummed that I wasn’t able to go. Granted, it was my choice due to work constraints, but still…

I tried to keep the “I’m sad I’m not at BEA” comments to myself and not post them on Twitter because seriously… no one likes a Debbie Downer. I cheered friends along, got excited for them when they tweeted something they did. I genuinely was happy for them. But, needless to say, that positivity that I tried to maintain took a nosedive as soon as the “OMG look!” tweets started (seriously, I loved them. Don’t let this post fool you).

This post isn’t about my pouting over not attending BEA, but instead about how I let things take away my positivity and replace it with negativity. I know I’ve mentioned it probably vaguely during my time blogging, but I have depression. I was diagnosed with it about 5 years ago and have been “battling” it for even longer. I use quotes because it’s not battling cancer or the dark forces; “dealing” is probably a better term. My grandmother has it too and trust me… I fear I may start getting as crazypants as she is!

Mostly, as long as I take my medicine and watch for signs, I don’t Hulk out on people. I’m generally able to control it. But, then there are of course times when I get all “Candice mad!” and it’s really not pretty. And it typically comes from me letting something that is out of my control start to effect me negatively. While I think the average person can usually just shrug their shoulders and move on (at least I think… is that right?) I, for some reason, cannot. Things start to fester and it gets… well… bad.

Lately I’ve been starting to look at things that make me feel bad – and trust me, there sadly seem to be an increasing amount. Even sadder is that there are a lot of things I CAN’T do anything about. I can’t change who people are. I can’t change the fact that the copy machine is in my office (and everyone feels the need to discuss how to use it with me). I can’t make Books a Million mail my PRE-ORDERED copy of Siege and Storm out any sooner.

While yes, there are a lot of things I can’t change or do anything about, there are a lot of things I CAN do to combat negativity. Instead of sitting with the same people at lunch every day who make me depressed (because all they do is bitch), I can choose to sit with other people. Or sit by myself and read. Instead of pouting because I’m not a part of the “in” crowd, I can focus on how awesome my friends are. Instead of being exposed to everyone’s “perfect” life on social media, I can shut my computer and go experience my own “perfect” life.

I think, for me, staying positive, when I’m most inclined to be negative, is going to be a life-long battle. I hate it and I hate that I feel that’s how I’m wired. I’ve always been told “fake it until you make it” but sometimes it feels like an act of Congress is needed for me to fake it. Sometimes I just want to pout and cry and think the world is over because I didn’t get approved for Fangirl on NetGalley. And, I think that’s okay for the most part. Life is full of disappointments and negative moments, but I’m starting to realize that it’s up to me to understand what I can change and what I just need to let run its course.

So what about you, blogger friends? Do you have trouble staying positive? What are some things that you do to excuse yourself from a pity party?

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “True Story Thursday – Staying Positive”

  1. I totally find it hard to stay positive sometimes!! I think as a blogger, it’s so hard NOT to compare myself to other bloggers and sometimes I get a little jealous when someone gets approved for something I didn’t or gets on a mailing list, and if I hadn’t gone to BEA, I totally would have been majorly sad about seeing all those tweets of people going! I get where you’re coming from!
    A lot of times it’s hard for me not to do all those comparisons but in reality, I know I will either way. I just try to tell myself that I’m doing things my way and everything that happens is because that’s what is the best thing to happen to me at the time. I don’t go way out there, but I do believe that things happen for a reason, even the small things. I don’t always agree with them, but I try to either learn from it or see something else that came out of a bad thing. Which usually I don’t see it but I try haha.
    I’d say one of the hardest thing is trying to let myself feel upset the appropriate amount. It’s hard to say things to other people because then they don’t get why I’m upset. Like, YES, there are WAY worse things in life than me not getting a book I requested, but you know what? I’m still allowed to be upset about it. It’s not going to ruin my whole day but I get frustrated when people tell me I shouldn’t be upset about something when I damn well can be! I may not be totally logical about the amount of upset I am, but that helps me process what I’m feeling and then move on. If I’m told to shove it down and not express those feelings, they just fester for a long time and I never move past it.
    Anyway, I digress. I’m sorry you’ve been bummed lately!! I can totally see how BEA would not help the positivity! 😦 But we all love you and I’m glad you shared with us!! It’s nice that we can talk about the serious stuff as well as fangirling over books! 🙂

    Like

    1. Aw thanks for the EPIC comment! 🙂

      I really didn’t mean to make this about books… haha, just couldn’t think of anything that was a good “disappointment” to mention! But yeah, I think being able to gauge appropriate upsetness is something we all struggle with. Sometimes I just want to be irrationally upset and get it out of my system; nothing more frustrating than someone saying “you’re overreacting!”

      I definitely want to make this an every week feature – not necessarily make it this deep – just so others can get to know me a little better and to have an outlet to tell my funny stories/random thoughts!

      Like

      1. Haha I actually didn’t mean to make it all about books either, but somehow that was my focus haha. I’m a crier. Sometimes I cry at things because I’m frustrated or mad versus sad but sometimes Shane doesn’t get it and doesn’t get why I’m so upset. I just have to tell him to let me cry and it’ll be over! I need to FEEL it haha

        Like

  2. I was so sad I couldn’t go to BEA, either :’) But all the authors and friends that told so much on Twitter, I felt like I was there! I’m very tired a lot and that’s because I’m just generally ill with fatigue, but I try and stay positive with quotes and motivate myself with books; because they are my great love 🙂
    This post was super inspirational! Thank you for sharing 😀
    ~Becca

    Like

    1. Those are great ways to motivate yourself and stay positive! I admit when I start feeling myself getting the blues I watch kitten videos on YouTube. Silly/lame, but c’mon… it totally brings a smile to your face! When I’m REALLY feeling depressed, though, it’s time to pull out the big guns: chocolate and Faerie Tale Theater!

      Like

  3. I’m with you. I know it’s hard to stay positive while blogging. It’s especially hard when you have no one near by to talk to about it.
    It’s great that you’re trying to be proactive about the situation though. I should start thinking like that more often like: It does suck when you don’t get approved for a book but think about all the other books you’ve had the opportunity to read! You might not have thousands of followers but you do have quite a few that really love what you post.

    Thanks for sharing this with us! 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank YOU for your sweet words! I’ve learned over the years that unless I want to stay bummed all the time, I need to find ways to keep myself cheery. There are a lot of stressors in my life, so finding things to combat them is imperative! And I LOVE all my blog friends – they are definitely a huge positive in my life! 🙂

      Like

  4. i feel like i am in the same boat as you as regards the blogging world. i sometimes feel that if i wasn’t approved for something but someone else was, maybe i’m just not “good enough” to get it and, sure, it’s depressing, but at the end of the day, what are you gonna do about it? you’ll read the book, like most other people, when it comes out (probably after the library gets it). i used to think i didn’t have stress, that most stuff just rolled right off my back, and that is mostly the case, but these past few months have been very stressful for a number of reasons and there is no way to make myself not feel stress. i didn’t know, had no clue, that you have depression. i always see you as a pretty positive person, someone i would love to hang out with for real. i cannot comment on depression because i personally don’t have it, but i feel for you and i don’t want you to feel sad. i’m not a “cool kid,” never was and never will be, but most of the time, i think they’re idiots anyway. i cannot understand sometimes why some people are so very popular when I think they’re complete tools, but whatever. but this is coming from me, who, at a new school in 10th grade, told the whole class I was from Mars. love you!

    Like

    1. I don’t think most people know about the depression… of course, I don’t really open up about it. However, I am comfortable enough to do so if need be! And, for the most part, I’m not depressed (thanks to meds though) so I TRY to stay positive! I imagine you do have some stressors in your life right now, but as I have to remind myself “this too shall pass.” I’ve never actually been one of those “Oh I want to be a cool kid” people, but I do feel like I don’t have a “group” to be with. I’ve always felt like that! Anyway… digressing… Thanks for your sweet words! I totally want to hang out with you for real too!

      Like

  5. I like the term “dealing” with depression. I have anxiety (“I manage my anxiety”), which often leads to depression, but whenever I feel like I should or need to mention it I always end up saying something like, “I… have depression?” It sounds like I’m asking them, and it’s just ridiculous.

    In any case, dealing with depression is difficult, especially when you’re in a creative field and most things are subjective. I’m glad that you’re usually able to manage it well. Trying to stay positive and keep things in perspective are things that I struggle with, but I have the most difficulty with dealing with disappointment as it comes instead of letting it build up.

    I look forward to getting to know you a little more personally with your Thursday posts. Hopefully next year you’ll be able to make it to the BEA and most of the other great events.

    Like

  6. Wow, Candice, what a wonderful post. It’s so brave of you to post this. Go you!

    This is a great post about trying to remain positive, even when it isn’t easy. I also chose not to go to BEA (I couldn’t get the time off work, and the timing is bad for me anyway), and I was feeling okay with it, until I saw all the tweets about it. I mean, like you said, I was super glad that everyone was having a good time, I just wish I was a part of that good time, too.

    Anyway, it is hard to be positive sometimes. I do tend to be a pretty positive person. Even when I’m a little down, I usually snap out of it in a day or so. But I try to do the same things you do when you are feeling sad. I try to focus on the good things in my life. Also, I call my mom and talk to her. Not about being sad, but just to talk, and it makes me feel better, and reminds me that I got people that care about me.

    I’m really excited for your Thursday posts.

    Like

  7. Staying positive is SO HARD in a world that’s always saying we can be better, do better, just HAVE better. I’ve found myself spiraling into worry and doubt and sadness a lot over the strangest things (which I only realize are strange in retrospect). It’s a routine battle that I face, but I’m blessed and grateful to possess a personality that does generally tend to look towards the positive and find the silver lining in things.

    The boy, however, does suffer from depression. I can see that it’s a completely difficult thing, especially as it does affect the rest of your life when it takes over. I give you so much props for fighting it constantly and trying to maintain strong! That’s no easy feat, and to be able to do it every. single. day. is so admirable. The way you choose to fight against it is definitely a set of ideas that anyone can apply to their own lives.

    I’m excited to read more Thursday posts from you! It’s always fun to get to know my blogger friends even better.

    Like

  8. I’m sorry I’m just now getting around to reading this but I’m so glad that I did. What a brave post to write, Candice. We live in a world where talking about our issues is frowned upon. And while I feel that positivity is very, very important, I don’t think that should impede someone’s self-expression. I’m not always happy; and in my mind, it shouldn’t be a bad thing that sometimes I let people know that I’m not happy. The important thing is that we don’t allow ourselves to remain in that state of unhappiness. There is truly so much to be happy about – and there’s always something positive to overcome the negative.

    I, too, struggle with depression. Severe depression, actually. I totally understand the “battle” that you spoke of. I really admire you – for being so open, but also for being so strong. This post has inspired me to try harder to turn negativity into positivity as well!

    Thank you so much for sharing with us. ❤

    Like

Comments make me happy, as do you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s