Recently someone posted this picture on Facebook it really had me laughing:
Vampires are one of literature’s most popular, and perfect, antagonists and, more commonly now, protagonists. They can be both evil and good, sneaky and startlingly sexy. They appeal to our human desires for immortality and power. And they get portrayed on screen by people like Brad Pitt.
Recently it seems like everyone and their brother has written a vampire novel and we saw a huge push of vampire movies and shows. But I got to thinking about that picture that was posted on Facebook. What would the vampires of past pop culture think of today’s pop culture vampires?
Today’s book? Twilight
Welcome all to my first (fake) interview! Today we are joined by four of pop culture’s most popular vampires.
Angel, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Louis de Pointe du Lac, from Interview with the Vampire
Lestat de Lioncourt, from a whole bunch of books
Count von Count, from Sesame Street
Welcome gentlemen. I think first let’s get the question everybody wants to know out of the way first: Is Book Edward dreamier than Movie Edward? As fairly handsome vampires, I think you would be the experts on dreaminess. Well, except you Count; you are a puppet.
The Count: One. One insult. Ha ha ha.
Angel: Hey, just because he’s a puppet doesn’t mean he can’t be dreamy. I was a puppet for a little while and I thought I was still pretty dreamy.
<laughter>
I think we have a clip of that:
Angel the Puppet
<laughter>
Lestat: I think Book Edward is WAY dreamier than Movie Edward. He’s got a much better sense of humor and isn’t so teenage angsty.
Louis: I disagree. Have you seen Movie Edward? He’s much dreamier than Book Edward.
Lestat: Just because he’s pretty and pouty doesn’t make him dreamy. Look how you were portrayed on screen.
Louis: I was hotter than you.
Lestat: You still suck.
Well before this turns into a bloodbath <laughter> let’s move on to the second question. One of the biggest themes in Twilight is forbidden love. How does Edward’s and Bella’s forbidden love compare to other forbidden loves?
Angel: Don’t get me started on forbidden love. Vampires and humans shouldn’t get involved. Bad things happen when they do.
Louis: They turn into evil monsters? <laughter>
Lestat: I just don’t get why he’s so angsty about his love for Bella. So he wants to eat her. Who hasn’t wanted to eat the girl he’s with? Am I right?
Angel: Well he didn’t want to kill her. He would have hated himself for the rest of his life.
Lestat: If he kills her, he kills her. Who cares? There are plenty of fish in the sea. No reason to get so torn up about it.
Angel: He loved her!
Lestat: You’re as bad s Edward! Get over the blonde already, geez!
Really guys? Can we not fight over Twilight? Moving along. Vegetarian vampirism. Is this something you can get behind or is it just a made up idea?
Louis: We vampires crave blood. Case closed. Sometimes all that’s available is rats, so we eat rats. It’s not the best diet, but when you feel guilty for killing, it’s what you do.
Lestat: We all know how well that worked out for you.
Angel: I agree with Louis. You do what you have to do to avoid killing. I don’t know if the Cullens have souls like I do, but I think it’s pretty admirable that they only drink animal blood.
Count, you’ve been pretty quiet.
The Count: One, two. Two sissy vampires!
Louis: Hey!
Angel: Hey!
Lestat: No kidding.
Gentlemen! Okay, I think this interview is over. Thank you for your time today and I appreciate the great feedback on the hard hitting questions about Edward Cullen only other vampires can answer.
